The Black Guy's Guide to Landing White Chicks
The Sentinel's satirical guide to breaking down racial barriers
Chach
Issue date: 9/19/07 Section: Humor
Join a traditionally white fraternity
Every white frat seems to have one or two black guys floating around in the mix, but let's face it; they shed their street cred years ago. Having sold out to whitey, these guys traded in their gold chains for seashell necklaces, their Roca Wear for Abercrombie, and their 50 Cent CDs for Dave Matthews posters. But you should notice something else. These guys are landing sorority sweethearts. I'm sure some of you would never even think of doing something like this; it's almost as if you'd be betraying your roots. Whatever. Being a white black guy always produces results. With enough work, you could be a Presidential candidate. See: Barack Obama.
Say you have a huge penis
Not just 10 inches huge - I mean a foot and a half huge. The truth is, not many white girls have ever seen black dick before, but oh, have they heard all about them. This is one stereotype that you should be proud of. You will drive a girl absolutely wild at the thought of something so hugedickulous. Curiosity alone is enough to kill her cat.
Just be a low-down dirty gangsta
If you don't like any of the above suggestions, don't sweat it. Some girls just love taboo. Think about it. Daddy's precious little girl leaves the white suburbs to find the exact kind of guy daddy never wanted her to be with. Daddy spent years being overprotective and telling her "no" to all the naughty things she wanted to back in high school. What better revenge than for her to bring you and your hardcore persona back home for Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family? Fulfill every unfair, negative stereotype in the book. Rap to her. Swear at her. Degrade her. Steal from her. Each one will just make her want you more and more. Then cheat on her or knock her up. She'll fucking love that shit.
What it all boils down to is a lack of proper integration. The current unfortunate racial climate means she still doesn't know much about you, so she'll rely on cheap stereotypes for which to base her judgments about you. The reality is really a sad one, but it's a sad one you can use to your advantage. And after all, who cares if something is wrong when it can help get you laid?
Every white frat seems to have one or two black guys floating around in the mix, but let's face it; they shed their street cred years ago. Having sold out to whitey, these guys traded in their gold chains for seashell necklaces, their Roca Wear for Abercrombie, and their 50 Cent CDs for Dave Matthews posters. But you should notice something else. These guys are landing sorority sweethearts. I'm sure some of you would never even think of doing something like this; it's almost as if you'd be betraying your roots. Whatever. Being a white black guy always produces results. With enough work, you could be a Presidential candidate. See: Barack Obama.
Say you have a huge penis
Not just 10 inches huge - I mean a foot and a half huge. The truth is, not many white girls have ever seen black dick before, but oh, have they heard all about them. This is one stereotype that you should be proud of. You will drive a girl absolutely wild at the thought of something so hugedickulous. Curiosity alone is enough to kill her cat.
Just be a low-down dirty gangsta
If you don't like any of the above suggestions, don't sweat it. Some girls just love taboo. Think about it. Daddy's precious little girl leaves the white suburbs to find the exact kind of guy daddy never wanted her to be with. Daddy spent years being overprotective and telling her "no" to all the naughty things she wanted to back in high school. What better revenge than for her to bring you and your hardcore persona back home for Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family? Fulfill every unfair, negative stereotype in the book. Rap to her. Swear at her. Degrade her. Steal from her. Each one will just make her want you more and more. Then cheat on her or knock her up. She'll fucking love that shit.
What it all boils down to is a lack of proper integration. The current unfortunate racial climate means she still doesn't know much about you, so she'll rely on cheap stereotypes for which to base her judgments about you. The reality is really a sad one, but it's a sad one you can use to your advantage. And after all, who cares if something is wrong when it can help get you laid?
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 151
D.B.
posted 10/08/07 @ 10:27 PM NA
More reasons to kick Blacks out of our country.
Ruthless Toothless
posted 10/08/07 @ 10:27 PM NA
Um... If you think it's somehow funny, realize that you are promoting de-evolution. Negroes stayed in Africa and didn't evolve. The people that became Whites left Africa and did evolve. (Continued…)
walt235
posted 10/08/07 @ 10:38 PM NA
I don't blame homo-welfarus for wanting white women. After all, black women are ugly enough to make she-gorillas look good!
John
posted 10/08/07 @ 11:51 PM NA
I thought this article was hilarious. In some ways, the editor got it right about how to pick up a chick. This doesn't apply to Caucasian girls only because in my experience chicks in general, seem to only dig guys that are rough around the edges as opposed to playing the Mr. (Continued…)
N14B
posted 10/09/07 @ 2:01 AM NA
Niggers should be dead. Race traitors should follow the same path.
Sleep well tonight. ;)
Mighty Whitey
posted 10/09/07 @ 3:23 AM NA
Once you go black we don't want you back!
Wilma Whitegirl
posted 10/09/07 @ 4:58 AM NA
What we have here is a moron (student?) writing an article that clearly shows the country that OSU has its share of self-hating "politically correct" brainwashed Whites. (Continued…)
Riley DeWiley
posted 10/09/07 @ 6:31 AM NA
"Do you want your descendants to start off on the wrong foot, and be borderline retarded? "
Well, they can always write for The Sentinel.
RDeW
Frank Roman
posted 10/09/07 @ 10:19 AM NA
Had the American colonists been given self rule at the outset they would have never allowed the importation of African slaves to till the land and tend their livestock. (Continued…)
Chelsea Huffman
posted 10/09/07 @ 8:41 PM NA
Sentinel Readers:
Our esteemed humor writer, Chach, wrote this article not only as a satire, but as a vehicle to expose and make fun of clearly still-present racial stereotypes. (Continued…)
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