The Black Guy's Guide to Landing White Chicks
The Sentinel's satirical guide to breaking down racial barriers
Chach
Issue date: 9/19/07 Section: Humor
|
Befriend a white guy
It's been years since serious integration began in our society, yet unfortunately tangible results of our homogenization are still hard to come by. Looking around campus, you'll notice that white people still tend to hang out with other white people, and black people still tend to hang out with other black people. Whether this is a result of persistent racial tensions or university "diversity" programs that continue to draw divisive distinctions between minorities and the majority, it doesn't matter. All you need to know is that crossing those racial lines is paramount to your success. So find yourself a token white guy to hang out with, and show up to some of his preppy house parties. The girls there will start to wonder, "Whoa, who's the black guy?"
Wear Ohio State gear wherever you go
Let's face it, most white girls come from white backgrounds, and they don't really know much about your race. For that matter, she doesn't know much about you. Use this to your advantage. The brilliant duo of your skin tone and your Ohio State gear will leave her no other alternative than to assume that you must be an athlete. After all, everybody knows black people are better athletes than white people. Think about it. There are tons of black guys that play for the Buckeyes, and white girls don't know anything about most of them. Say you are a cornerback if you're a smaller guy or a linebacker if you're bigger. I shit you not - I once knew a girl who stumbled out of house party bedroom exclaiming, "I just swallowed National Championship cum!" Yes my friends, your little fib will act as the Gatorade that will quench the celebrity thirst of dumb white sluts all over campus.
Join a white girl's study group
But, maybe you're not looking for a slut - totally understandable. So, try this one out. It's a truly unfair stereotype that black people are inferior in academics to white people. While it is a totally false assumption, and most people do not attribute such academic values to race, there are a few uncultured vixens still at large. So join the study group of a white girl from class. Your interest in academics may surprise her and leave her thinking, "Wow, he's no dummy. Maybe he won't kill me." After studying, make your move. Not only will she do you, but she'll probably do your homework too.
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 149
D.B.
posted 10/08/07 @ 10:27 PM NA
More reasons to kick Blacks out of our country.
Ruthless Toothless
posted 10/08/07 @ 10:27 PM NA
Um... If you think it's somehow funny, realize that you are promoting de-evolution. Negroes stayed in Africa and didn't evolve. The people that became Whites left Africa and did evolve. (Continued…)
walt235
posted 10/08/07 @ 10:38 PM NA
I don't blame homo-welfarus for wanting white women. After all, black women are ugly enough to make she-gorillas look good!
John
posted 10/08/07 @ 11:51 PM NA
I thought this article was hilarious. In some ways, the editor got it right about how to pick up a chick. This doesn't apply to Caucasian girls only because in my experience chicks in general, seem to only dig guys that are rough around the edges as opposed to playing the Mr. (Continued…)
N14B
posted 10/09/07 @ 2:01 AM NA
Niggers should be dead. Race traitors should follow the same path.
Sleep well tonight. ;)
Mighty Whitey
posted 10/09/07 @ 3:23 AM NA
Once you go black we don't want you back!
Wilma Whitegirl
posted 10/09/07 @ 4:58 AM NA
What we have here is a moron (student?) writing an article that clearly shows the country that OSU has its share of self-hating "politically correct" brainwashed Whites. (Continued…)
Riley DeWiley
posted 10/09/07 @ 6:31 AM NA
"Do you want your descendants to start off on the wrong foot, and be borderline retarded? "
Well, they can always write for The Sentinel.
RDeW
Frank Roman
posted 10/09/07 @ 10:19 AM NA
Had the American colonists been given self rule at the outset they would have never allowed the importation of African slaves to till the land and tend their livestock. (Continued…)
Chelsea Huffman
posted 10/09/07 @ 8:41 PM NA
Sentinel Readers:
Our esteemed humor writer, Chach, wrote this article not only as a satire, but as a vehicle to expose and make fun of clearly still-present racial stereotypes. (Continued…)
Post a Comment