Hillary Clinton Ends Campaign for Democratic President Nomination
The Clintons turn their attention to "winning the WWE tag team championship"
Kevin O'Rourke
Issue date: 2/22/08 Section: Commentary
For his part, McMahon was thrilled. "You know we've had a lot of celebrities join the WWF over the years: Mr. T, Pete Rose, Cyndi Lauper, Ozzy Ozbourne, Mike Tyson, Laurence Taylor; this is the first time the celebrity hasn't been a complete crack job." McMahon paused for a moment, seemingly pondering what he'd just said. "Though, I suppose some people probably find her crazy. At any rate, we've always done well with our celebrity guests and the Clintons will be no different. Even if everybody does think they're socialist nut jobs, Bill has quite the charming personality and, as evidenced by her campaign, Hillary is very good at yelling, so they should fit right in."
Clinton's drastic change in her profession has caused a dramatic shift in the Democratic Party. Democrats, who were once publicly supporting Clinton, now privately celebrate the party's good fortune. According to long time Democratic strategist James Carville, the Democrats are secretly thrilled. "Don't get me wrong, the party was excited to get Bill back into office, but many of the party's leaders felt Hillary was too polarizing; while one group of people hated her, the other group wished she would fall off the face of the Earth" Carville said.
Democratic National Committee chairman Howard Dean echoed Carville's assertions. "Well you guys have already got the picture. I was about to say, 'I'm sure there are some disappointed people here', but you know what? If you had told us one year ago that Hillary was going to drop out of the race while she held the lead, we would have given anything for that." Dean exclaimed, barely able to contain his excitement. "And you know something, and you know something, not only are they tired of her in New Hampshire, Tom Larkin, but so is South Carolina, and Oklahoma, and Arizona, and North Dakota, and New Mexico, and California, and Texas, and New York, and South Dakota, and Oregon, and Washington, and Michigan, and Washington DC…byahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Obama, reached at his home in Chicago, wasn't surprised by the decision. "For the last several months I have been running an honest campaign aimed at bringing some integrity back into politics and giving hope to this country, but I have been running against a two headed monster so enamored with power that they don't mind creating falsities about me and then using those falsities as personal attacks. Honestly, I think they're perfect for the WWF. With Hillary now pursuing other options, I look forward to pummeling any of the Republican challengers."
Clinton's drastic change in her profession has caused a dramatic shift in the Democratic Party. Democrats, who were once publicly supporting Clinton, now privately celebrate the party's good fortune. According to long time Democratic strategist James Carville, the Democrats are secretly thrilled. "Don't get me wrong, the party was excited to get Bill back into office, but many of the party's leaders felt Hillary was too polarizing; while one group of people hated her, the other group wished she would fall off the face of the Earth" Carville said.
Democratic National Committee chairman Howard Dean echoed Carville's assertions. "Well you guys have already got the picture. I was about to say, 'I'm sure there are some disappointed people here', but you know what? If you had told us one year ago that Hillary was going to drop out of the race while she held the lead, we would have given anything for that." Dean exclaimed, barely able to contain his excitement. "And you know something, and you know something, not only are they tired of her in New Hampshire, Tom Larkin, but so is South Carolina, and Oklahoma, and Arizona, and North Dakota, and New Mexico, and California, and Texas, and New York, and South Dakota, and Oregon, and Washington, and Michigan, and Washington DC…byahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Obama, reached at his home in Chicago, wasn't surprised by the decision. "For the last several months I have been running an honest campaign aimed at bringing some integrity back into politics and giving hope to this country, but I have been running against a two headed monster so enamored with power that they don't mind creating falsities about me and then using those falsities as personal attacks. Honestly, I think they're perfect for the WWF. With Hillary now pursuing other options, I look forward to pummeling any of the Republican challengers."
Be the first to comment on this story