2008 Woodie Awards
Hillary Clinton Ends Campaign for Democratic President Nomination
The Clintons turn their attention to "winning the WWE tag team championship"
Kevin O'Rourke
Issue date: 2/22/08 Section: Commentary
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In her hometown of Chicago, with Bill at her side, as well as World Wrestling Entertainment Chairman Vince McMahon and reigning WWE tag team champions John Morrison and the Miz, Clinton explained her decision. "For the last several months, Bill and I have worked as a team trying to tear down Barack Obama." Clinton said. "We have questioned his experience. We have accused him of liking the Republican economic policies of the 1980s. We've accused him of saying one thing and doing the other. Hell, we even questioned his blackness. And what do we get for our political deception and cunning? A Super Tuesday split; an 85-delegate lead. Although politics used to be the preeminent arena for deception, dishonesty, and slanderous personal attacks, this is no longer the case. Because of this shift in political values, Bill and I felt it was best if we competed in an arena that rewarded deception, falsities, and character attacks."
When asked why she chose the WWE, Clinton was forthright, "The World Wrestling Entertainment has a long history of cheating, deceiving, and corruption. I'm sure everyone remembers the Montreal Screwjob of 1997, essentially forcing Brett 'the Hitman' Hart out of the WWF. Since then, there have been countless other wrestlers who have unfairly lost their deserved titles as well."
Clinton acknowledged that the show was scripted but, "Bill and I have a lot of money, and we're pretty confident that we can buy off most of the refs and writers. Once we have enough little people under our control we can win all of the title belts, and it will be just like the good ol' days of politics."
Clinton, who held a small lead, 1,045 delegates to 960 delegates, over Illinois senator Barack Obama, ended her campaigning, but refused to endorse Senator Obama or remove her name from the ballot. "I absolutely will not endorse Barack Obama. He has a poster of Ronald Reagan in his room. He's whiter than Bill, and Bill plays a mean jazz sax which basically makes him half black. And Barack has no experience when it comes to extra marital affairs in the greater DC area."
When she was told that the Democrats would expect her to rally behind a candidate as a show of solidarity, Clinton exploded. "Just because I am not actively campaigning for the presidency doesn't mean I don't want to be president. I threw $5 million of my own money into Super Tuesday; you think I'm not going to buy my way on to all of the other ballots? I endorse Hillary Clinton, and my husband approves this message."
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