The Sentinel

Issue date: 5/4/09 Section: Commentary

In an unprecedented move by the President of the United States, Patt Miller, owner of the Flying Pizza on High Street, was forced to resign on Sunday.

Reports became clear President Obama wanted Miller out before the company received any more federal bailout aid.

On the eve of President Obama's new Pizza Recovery Plan, the President asked executives of Flying Pizza to dramatically reform their business practices or face steep penalties from the administration.

The President's new Pizza Recovery Plan includes federal money for soy pepperoni and eco friendly cheeses. The White House issued a statement saying, "the American people demand American made 'green' pizza." And that "some have claimed that American pizza shops have become uncompetitive in the world marketplace. However, under the President's leadership, the country who invented the pizza will be the leaders in pizza again."

Some question if President Obama's firing of Miller is a violation of the Constitution. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs quickly responded by saying "What? That old document? You want us to run the country according to some piece of paper written 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning aristocrats? I think the President knows what is best for the country and he is working towards that goal. To questions his actions is to be a racist."

Local Congresswoman Mary-Jo Kilroy supported the move by the President saying, "If we want to get the economy moving again, we have to get rid of these young entrepreneurial capitalists who are exploiting hungry college students."

Ohio Governor Strickland also supported the firing of Patt Miller answering, "Well yeah if I was not afraid to do anything at all, I would have fired Miller myself."

Karl Marx was unavailable for comment.

a satire by J.T. Friedman

J.T. is a Senior at Ohio State and author
of the book "Our Collective Mediocrity"

Page 1 of 1

Article Tools