The Sentinel

Issue date: 5/4/09 Section: Humor

Spring quarter wouldn't be the same without everyone's favorite activist group, the Center for Bio-Ethical Reform, paying an annual visit and displaying their "Genocide Awareness Project." A beautiful display of photographs ranging from corpses to bloody fetuses, GAP is a Pro-Life initiative that is supposed to help call attention to the harsh realities of abortion. If you thought having an abortion was cool and fun, the Genocide Awareness Project is here to correct you, so watch the fuck out! Apparently there is an urgent need to inform educated twenty-somethings that abortion is not a good thing and that if you think they are, you're totally wrong. Some people hate the campaign, but others including myself love it. I personally always enjoy viewing the posters these endearing zealots display, because quite frankly, it helps me revisit some of my fondest memories. As a Pro-Death advocate, there's nothing I enjoy more than seeing glaringly offensive displays of blood and guts splattered all over my school's campus.

Ever since being Pro-Choice became a way-too- agreeable pussy argument, the Pro-Death movement has been on the rise advocating abortions for all pregnant women. By educating others on the awful experience of parenthood, the importance of keeping fetuses down and out of power, and the consequences faced if we fail to gain control of these issues now, Pro-Death has brought in over 4,000 advocates. By dehumanizing zygotes and fetuses, Pro-Death has succeeded at keeping much of the public in line with their views, as well as the federal government. Our lobbyists sure are charming and you can usually spot one in the streets of D.C., they are the only group shouting "Heil!"

Pro-Death has become very hip and trendy to follow, because not only is it shocking and controversial but it sure seems to ruffle the feathers of the folks over at CBR. Who doesn't like to have a little heated debate with their fellow intellectuals? Especially when you get to cite the first amendment every chance you get! Recently announced in January of 2009, Pro-Death has decided to take a little bit of advice from GAP and are in the process of making shocking images of their own to help recruit others for their cause. How do we fanatics plan on persuading others? With displays of offensive images of mothers working in the kitchen, or fathers changing an actual soiled diaper. People need to find out how gruesome parenthood can be.
In all seriousness, how am I supposed to unwind with a line of cocaine and a bottle of gin when I have a child running around? The answer is simple, I can't. Pro-Death helped me find a solution for that problem, and now I have found enlightenment and am making the most of my child-free life.

Continued...

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